The Proposal

I think it was on our first or second date that Brian first brought up moving to Europe.  You do that kind of thing when you first start dating right?  I want to drive across the United States in an RV. Someday, I want to open a cupcake bakery. Lovely dreams you can share and chat about in a way to get to know each other.

But as I got to know Brian more, I realized that his dreaming out loud was different from most.  He usually did the things that I thought were hypothetical.  Let me give a few examples, one day we were looking at the outside of my house, and he said we should fix up both of our houses (which both needed a lot of work), sell them, and buy one together. One where all of our children can have their space to mess up, and we can have our own to keep clean. A few months later, and lots of work weekends, we did that and moved into that house.  (Our side is mostly clean...)

Another time, he said "I think we should buy a part of the business I am in and run it ourselves."  "Sounds lovely."  Months later, we did his plan to the letter and four years later we have a very successful software company.

After five years, I should realize that his dreams are actually real options he is not only researching, but probably has a list of steps in WorkFlowy on what we need to do to get there.

So when the Europe move proposal came up again during COVID, I realized that this was something to take seriously.  Yet, still, it seemed like a larger undertaking than we have taken on before, and I honestly didn't see how it was going to happen.

It's not that I don't have faith in Brian's planning abilities.  I certainly do.  He is the smartest person I've ever met and as he researched different countries in Europe, their happiness factor, their economy, their stance on climate change, etc.  I couldn't understand how we were going to get four teenagers, animals, belongings, just everything.... It seemed like a lot.

But, I do love learning more about different cultures, and we found that the Netherlands started to come up as the top option in more and more of the things that were important to us.  And then Brian started learning Dutch.

I can't tell you what the sound of him saying "Ik ben een advocaat." to Duo the Owl made me feel inside.  This was going to happen.  We were going on an "avontuur" and it was both exciting and terrifying.

I dug my heels in on learning Dutch for some time.  I think Brian had been dedicated to Duolingo for about an hour a day, and I was very proud of his work, but I didn't want to learn a new language.  That seemed like a big commitment.  But, then I decided that I always did want to learn a new language so whether or not we ended up going to Europe...  It would be fun to try my hand at language learning. (I had three years of French under my belt from high school, but I remember so little, I must have been passing notes in class more than I was conjugating verbs.)  

I studied Dutch at an obsessively fast pace.  As I learned more about the Netherlands, I realized that Brian was right.  This was the place for us and if we could make it happen, I was ready.  But, I felt that the Dutch language had to be mastered by me for me to have an easier transition.  (The Dutch mostly speak English, but appreciate when people who move there take the time to learn their language.)  So, I pushed my language learning hard. I finished the Dutch Duolingo course in 5 months. I devoured any Dutch podcast or book, even cookbooks, and even have a Dutch friend that I do lessons with.  Any time that I feel a bit anxious about the move, I focus my energy on my Dutch lessons.  It has been a very successful way to keep up my motivation (and my nerve).

 And then Brian and I went to the Netherlands in September and October.  I think Brian has always been 100 percent on this move.  At the time we went to the Netherlands, I think I was 75 percent there.  When I left the Netherlands, I was 100 percent there, too.  Our trip made me realize that there are few belongings I need to take along, most of my worries can be easily overcome, and I know our entire family are going to thrive in this wonderful country.  

There will be obstacles. Yes, many! I will go through some of those in future posts.  There are days that I count down the days in anticipation and other days when the numbers are getting lower (Today is 107 days) that take my breath away.  But it is another exciting adventure we are on, and we are learning so much about ourselves as we go through it.